I have a soft spot for the Boy Scouts. Where I'm from, everyone was in the scouts. So, just like school, you had a good mix of kids from all social strata. It's a bit different here in Texas.
My friend, Collin, and I took our boys to spend the night on the aircraft carrier, the USS Lexington in Corpus Christi. Seems that October Rachid, the person who volunteered to go, hates February Rachid. After a four-hour drive, we arrived and immediately noticed that we'd be sharing the adventure with 300 other scouts and their parents. To be blunt, the scouts were nerds. And I probably beat up some of their parents in school. That's all well and good, except that when you share close quarters with a group of people for whom personal hygiene is not a high priority, it tends to matter a bit.
I'm kidding. Mostly.
The adventure began immediately when, as we were waiting in what would be the first of several lines to come, Jay needed to go to the bathroom. The only one on that deck was clear across this massive boat. When we got there, he was dying in anticipation and began to relieve himself early. It was a race to get most of the pee in the toilet. I lost that race.
We were given bunks stacked three high with mattresses, judging by their condition, that hadn't been changed since the ship was launched in '43. At 6'6", I knew that there was a good chance I wouldn't be comfortable.
Food was next and we were served a fantastic dish of chili dogs. It sits especially well when served in a dining hall that smells like wet dog and one has to duck permanently to get from one place to the next.
The museum itself was cool as could be and it was great to read about the history of this ship. Were we to have followed the intended four hour exploration, it would have been incomparable. Unfortunately, the smart people left at 5:00 and they locked the grounds and we were stuck. After that, we had to endure the following:
1. No beer.
2. A bird that used us for target practice and hit Collin right on the hand as he was eating. Sure, it was funny because it wasn't me, but still...
3. A boy crawling up on one of the guns and dangling from it, sent our hearts to our throats.
4. No beer.
5. Screaming boy scouts running around, climbing on everything while old, volunteer vets chewed them out for lack of respect.
6. Several vomiting boys adding their own contribution to the hallowed ship. One threw up on my chair just as I stood up.
7. Our boys, while on a ship of great historical import, fought over coins for broken and run down video games in the rec room.
8. Dinner that was just... indescribable.
9. A shared bathroom that had last been cleaned when the mattresses had been changed. ...As in, never.
10. Lost car keys that seemed to doom us to another day in Corpus Christi until the Service Dept. at the local dealer opened up. We later found them after several hours searching.
11. A man who snored so loud throughout the night that there was no hope of sleep.
12. One of our boys getting sick at night, throwing up in his sleeping bag and then dry heaving throughout the morning.
13. A flag ceremony that was so over-the-top patriotic (and I'm pretty patriotic), that it bordered on farce. It was like something out of SouthPark.
14. Another one of the boys getting sick half way home and vomiting all over the car.
15. No beer the entire freakin' trip. None.
Still, none of it really mattered. In fact, we were laughing the whole time. Our boys enjoyed the heck out of it, and that was enough.
Can you believe what Rachid had to endure? ...Boo-Hoo!
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